Splash Redux

Care for some tail meat?
(photo: Trevor Corson)

I am losing the battle against lobster kitsch. What was I thinking? Trying to write a book about lobsters and at the same time avoid having my kitchen fill up with lobster kitsch was probably an impossibility.

But I can't complain, for it turns out that I have been blessed with more than just lobster-patterned potholders. In fact, I have bested Tom Hanks in "Splash" and reeled in something even more perfect than Daryl Hannah as a mermaid. Pictured with me here is no ordinary, tropical, fish-tailed mermaid. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a cold-water Canadian lobstermaid (you can tell by her feet). Learning of my dedication to her species, she has deigned to spend a little time on land with me. However, she was disappointed to discover that I only have one penis. (You'll need to read THE SECRET LIFE OF LOBSTERS to know what she was accustomed to down there.)

Now if I could just get her to shed her shell . . .